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'I need to die'

Journal Entry: Wed May 20, 2015, 7:24 PM
Ranting. You should likely ignore.

A meaningless phrase when uttered constantly. Yet utterly pervasive. A frequent thought and a constant belief. Definitely irrational yet fully believed. I believe my actions to be damning. Continually so.
When I interact with others it leads to negative consequences. I am not good socially and use people to my advantage. These actions lurk at the edge of consciousness yet perception does not stop action. And of course the failings are clearly visible in hindsight. Then comes the whining which in itself is inappropriate. Then there's the guilt and the memory.

Each event crystallizes into a kernel of misery which can be triggered by actions, thoughts and senses. Then comes the feeling "I need to die". The more traumatic the event the more damaging the kernel. Yet everything leaves its mark. Digging away in the mind with painful abrasions.

  • Mood: Pain
  • Reading: Project Horizons
  • Watching: The Simpsons
  • Playing: Runescape
  • Drinking: Water

deviantID

RestartBob
Potato Bob
Canada
Hello there,

I will never claim to be an artist since I do not do anything worthwhile in the field of art. But, I do find it fun to take pictures. Occasionally a sketch may get finished, though expect a low caliber of quality when and if they appear.

I just received my Bachelor's of Science in Biochemistry. Now to do something with my life! So far no luck.

Obviously I have no real talent in the arts. I am far more science oriented, but it's good to branch out. I am trying digital stuff since it's mess free and has an "undo" button. I seem to draw a bunch of ponies. They are they only thing I can seem to do okay with.

I browse a lot of stuff for no good reason, feel free to do the same here.

If I do not thank you for a favourite or some thing, know that I am thankful. You are not obligated to thank me for any thing, but feel free if you so desire.




Oh, and I'll llama you if you llama me. Llamas are love, after all.

Things you can add me to:
Skype (restartbob)
Playstation Network (Restartbob)
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Comments


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:iconiorgudesign:
iorguDesign Featured By Owner Edited Apr 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for the llama! (:
Reply
:iconyusuke-kawasaki:
Yusuke-Kawasaki Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2015  New member
Thanks for the llama.
Reply
:iconsmettie:
smettie Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
thanks for the watch : D
Reply
:iconbubblezwithaz:
BubblezwithaZ Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Student General Artist
thanks for the :+llama: Llama Emoji-02 (Blush) [V1] 
Reply
:iconkitty-key-chan:
kitty-key-chan Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the llama :D
Reply
:iconrestartbob:
RestartBob Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2015
Thank you for the llama and the watch! Much appreciated :D
Reply
:iconkitty-key-chan:
kitty-key-chan Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
You're welcome :D sorry about your tablet pen
Reply
:iconrestartbob:
RestartBob Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2015
Thanks, it's being a pain =/
I keep trying to get it to work but no luck so far. So I'll probably not get any more of the digital stuff up any time soon
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconjumbola:
JUMBOLA Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Cheers for the Llama...an important part of life
Reply
:iconsallynyan:
Sallynyan Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks 4 the llama ! 
Reply
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